101 Pick Up Lines
by purtyinpink71121
Summary: This is a collection of the 101 pick up lines and clever asking outs that James used on Lily... and of course her smartass responses.
1. Numbers 1 to 20

**101 Pick up Lines**

**Numbers 1-20**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter. I got some of these pick up lines from online, but most of them are mine, as are all of the responses.

**A/N:** Just a little story idea that popped into my head. I've got 43 of them written so if I get reviews, I'll update the next chapter soon. So review! Tell me which one you liked best!

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Lily flower, may I say that you look wonderful today?"

"No, you may not."

"Oh, sorry. I take it back then, you look butt ugly."

"HEY!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Congratulations, you've been voted most beautiful girl in the room, and the grand prize is a trip to Hogsmeade with me!"

"No thanks. I'll just take the cash."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I think I'm dead, because you have to be an angel."

"No you're not dead... But it can certainly be arranged if you like."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Hey Lily. Do you come here often?"

"It's the common room James, and yes, I live here."

"Me too! Coincidence, huh?"

"...Go away"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I'm going to die tomorrow, what do you say about going to Hogsmeade with me to make my last night on earth a happy one?"

"If you don't get out of here in 5 seconds I'll make it so you die tonight."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?"

"...No, I think that was Peter's charm backfiring and making the common room shake."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"What's that in your eye? Oh, I guess it was just a twinkle"

"What's that on your face? Oh, wait, that is your face."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Hey, where have you been all my life?"

"Hiding from you"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"You're eyes are as startlingly green as...um, a frog..."

"Charming."

"It sounded better in my head"

"I'm sure it did"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If you were a book, the writing would be what we call FINE PRINT!"

"...Potter, when is the last time you read a book?"

"Ummm... that's not the point."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"It's my birthday! How about a birthday kiss?"

"Potter... today is my birthday."

"Seriously? Then how about I give you a birthday kiss?"

"...I was kidding..."

"Oh. Darn."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Congratulations! You just won the most beautiful girl in the room award, and the prize is a date with me"

"You already used that one."

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did."

"Oh... never mind then"

XOxoXoxoXOxoXO

"Hi Evans, what are you eating?"

"Chicken."

"How about I feed you? It'd be adorable"

"No, how about instead, I drive this fork through your hand."

"That would hurt..."

"Kinda the point."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Can you spell pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcaniconiosis?"

"No."

"Me neither, I just thought I would ask."

"...Was that supposed to be another pick up line?"

"Yes. Sirius gave it to me."

"Why am I not surprised?"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If I could hold a star every time you made me smile I would have the entire night sky in the palm of my hand."

"I hope the stars explode and you die."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Hey Evans. You and me, Hogsmeade tonight at 8:00"

"No thanks, I would rather eat a pound of dragon dung."

"I have some if you want it."

"Potter, why do you have a pound of dragon dung?"

"...no reason..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If you were a booger, I would pick you first"

"Are you saying that you pick your boogers?"

"No, I just meant..."

"It's okay Potter, I'm not judging... oh wait yes I am"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Were you arrested earlier? Because it has to be illegal to look that good."

"Were you arrested earlier? Because it has to be illegal to look that bad."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If you stood in front of a mirror and held up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world."

"If you stood in front of a mirror, it would break."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"

"Désolé, mais je suis déjà occupé"

"...What does that mean?"

"I'm not telling."

"Oh come on Evans!!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

There we go! End of the first chapter! Now if I get a decent amount of reviews, I'll update soon since I have the next 20 written. So REIVEW!! Tell me which one you liked best!!

Oh, and for those of you who aren't the best with french, the last pick up line was:

"Would you like to sleep with me tonight?" (You gotta know that, Lady Marmalade!!)

"Sorry, but I'm already busy"

Now go on, review!!


	2. Numbers 21 to 40

**101 Pick Up Lines**

**Numbers 21-40**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, and even if you tried to sue me you wouldn't get much I don't really have anything interesting...

**A/N: **WOW!! I am amazed at the impact 25 just on the first chapter! I want to sincerely thank you all from the bottom of my heart, and as a reward I'm going to update! I was going to update tomorrow, but I changed my mind. So here are the next 20! Also, thanks to APWBDumbledore, who is translating this into German. Isn't that cool?! GERMAN!

**A/N2:** Also to eternal-charmer who reviewed and asked if I could number them, I was going to but since numbered lists arent allowed I didn't want it to get taken off the site. Sorry!

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I would go to the end of the world for you."

"But the question is, Potter, would you stay there?"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If I saw you naked, I would die happy"

"Yeah, but if I saw you naked I would probably die laughing"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and me together."

"Me isn't a letter Potter."

"I! I meant I!"

"I'm sure you did..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"How about you and me go to Hogsmeade tonight?"

"Sorry, tonight I'm going to be busy hitting myself over the head with a giant hammer, which is honestly something I would prefer"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If you were my sister, incest would be cool."

"..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?"

"I've known you since first year, it's kind of too late for that."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"How about something different this time, say yes?"

"Yes."

"Really??"

"No."

"You are a cruel person."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"You see my friend over there?" _Points to Sirius, who waves_ "He wants to know if you think I'm cute."

"How much did you pay Sirius to wave?"

"Five galleons... but that's not the point."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Hey, it's a Hogsmeade weekend, you know what that means!"

"You have a date with Sirius?"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I bet you 10 galleons that you are going to turn me down," _Holding a handful of galleons._

_Takes galleons_, "You're right."

"HEY! Give me back my galleons!!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved, which can lead to headaches, ulcers, cancer, and even death! So for both of our sakes, JUST SAY YES!"

"Hmm, I think I'd take the ulcer."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Wow."

"Running low on pick up lines, huh Potter?"

"It's really hard to think of them!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Do you have a band aid? I scraped my knee falling for you."

"Clever..."

"Seriously though, do you have a band aid? I got a paper cut in Charms today."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Cupid called. He said he needs my heart back."

"Your town called. They want their idiot back"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Do you know karate? Because your body is kickin'!"

"If you don't leave, I will kick you"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Hey babe, are you busy today?"

"No, but you have a Quiddich game."

"...SHIT! I FORGOT!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"You remember Crayola Crayons? My favorite color always used to be sapphire green, and I just realized... it's because that's the color your eyes are."

"...You have got to be kidding me..."

"What?"

"Sapphires are blue!"

"...I knew that..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I have a boo boo on my lip, would you kiss it and make it better?"

"How did you get that boo boo?"

"Remus pushed me down the stairs..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Look, mistletoe! Guess you have to kiss me!"

_Sets fire to mistletoe, _"That's taken care of."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Ouch, my tooth hurts!"

"Is it because I'm so sweet?"

"... you stole my thunder... how about stealing my heart too?"

"Wow, nice recovery, I'm almost tempted to say yes... ALMOST!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

There you go, chapter 2! Review, tell me which one you liked best!!


	3. Numbers 41 to 60

**101 Pick up lines**

**Numbers 41-60**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter

**A/N:** Here is the next chapter! I just want to take a moment to say I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU THAT REVIEWED!! I can't believe how many reviews this story is getting, it's insane! Also, I want to give a shout out to Miz Felton, who came up with the first pick up line, and Zekoi, who had the second one in her story The Marauders Days of Christmas (BTW- excellent story, read it, haha) and said I could use it. Thanks, you guys rock!

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Hey Evans, did it hurt falling from the sky? Because you look like an angel!"

"Hey Potter, I know what will probably hurt... my knee in your balls"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I saw a rose this morning. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen... that is, until I saw my lovely Lily."

"I saw a door knob this morning. I thought it was smarter than you, and now I see that I was right."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

_Singing_ "Did you ever know that you're my hero. You're everything I would like to be. And I can fly higher than an eagle, because you are the wind beneath my wings!"

"You have a horrible singing voice."

"I know..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you are the only one I'd want to catch!"

"I thought you were allergic to fish."

"Well, I am, but..."

"So if you caught me you would die?"

"I guess, but..."

"Okay, you can catch me."

"Really??"

"No."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"You have been very naughty, go to my room!"

"Okay" _Walks to girl's dorm._

"N-No, Lily, I said _my _room! You are going the wrong way! Wait!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Are you from Tennessee? Because you are the only ten I see"

"Oh my God, where the hell are you getting all of these??"

"Sirius has a book of them..."

"Why am I not surprised?"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If I were a fly, I would be all over you, because you are the shit!"

"Did you really think it would be flattering to hear that I look like shit?"

"Yes...?"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Excuse me, I think I dropped something... MY JAW!!"

"I think you lost something too... your mind."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Um, Lily, I'm getting low on pick up lines, will you just go out with me?"

**Sirius, walking by**, "For gods sake man, grow some balls!"

"I agree with Sirius, grow some balls and I'll consider it"

"Hey! I have balls!!!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied a knot in my heart."

"I'm a girl, so why the hell would I have been in Boy Scouts?"

"My sister was..."

"Uh huh..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Are you a parking ticket?"

"What?"

"Because you have FINE written all over you."

"...How do you even know what a parking ticket is?"

"I have my ways..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes."

"Actually Sirius did let me borrow the Marauder's Map earlier, do you want it back?"

"How do you know about that??"

"I have my ways..."

"That's my line!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If I had a galleon for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have one galleon."

"If I had a galleon for every time I saw someone as dumb as you, I'd have a galleon too."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Hey Evans, want to go out sometime?"

"What?"

"I asked if you wanted to go out."

"God, sorry I missed it again. What?"

"DO. YOU. WANT. TO. GO. OUT. WITH. ME?"

"Sorry I can't hear you at all! It must be because I don't speak loser."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Hey baby, what's your sign?"

"Do not Enter"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"You're dorm or mine?"

"You go to yours, I'll go to mine."

"I don't want to go to mine though! Peter is going through one of his 'naked phases' again!"

"I really didn't need to know that!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Evans! You sure look fantastic today!"

"Hmm, too bad I can't say the same for you Potter."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

"No, that would be me. But when I walk away it'll get much colder."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If I said you look like an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight?"

"If by that you mean damming you to hell, consider it done!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I know you want me, Evans!"

"You're right, I want you to leave"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Hey Evans, how about you come over here and give me a kiss?"

"Potter, I wouldn't touch you with a 39 ½ foot pole!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

There we go! Btw, if anyone can guess where the response from the last pick up line was from, you will forever be my hero... and believe me that is quite an honor. So review!! If not to tell me where the last line was from, just to tell me if you liked the story. And be sure to include your favorite line!!

Also, to all the people who reviewed asking what the french in the first chapter meant, I had a translation in the author's note below it, you guys need to use your eyes, haha.

REVIEW!


	4. Numbers 61 to 80

**101 Pick up lines**

**Numbers 61-80**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own.

**A/N: **IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR! I am in such a good mood, it's Christmas break, and I'm going out with my friends who I haven't seen in forEVER!! And I'm wearing a Santa Hat! I dunno why, but this hat makes me happy. So here is the next chapter! I LOVE ALL MY REVIEWRS!! And I have a lot of heroes. Tons of people knew that the last line from last chapter was from "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" here is the list...

**Potter-djluver (My real hero... first one)**,Tu lo sia inc, InkGothical, WastelandRose, IloveDoctorMcDreamy, akroque91, Roasted Snow, I love fred and George, lilalex13, Evinco Obscurum, Tired Raven, Dawn of Daylight, Zekoi, Emmanuelle H., Overloaded, Salvation-ala-mode, Princess Eclipse, Ecco51?????, Christina, Weasleygrlz07, The Cat Who Walks By Herself. YAY!! YOU GUYS ARE MY HEROES!! Wow I actually just wrote that out of impulse, I had forgotten that I said you guys would have been my heroes, lol.

So here is the next chapter! The first 6 are by Sweet-Sunshyne! YAY!

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Call me beep me if you wanna reach me!"

"Hmm, too bad I don't really want to reach you..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If you were my homework, I would be doing you on the desk right now"

"I doubt it, you never to your homework"

"Yeah but still, if you were my homework I would make an acception"

"I'm flattered..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"In the cookies of my life, you are the chocolate chips"

"In the cookies of my life, you are the annoying burnt part that just won't go away."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"The shortest word for me is I, the sweetest word for me is LOVE, but the only word for me is YOU."

"Love is also the longest word you know, isn't it?"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Roses are red, violets are blue, you are sweet, and I love you."

"Tomatoes are red, ashes are black, go to hell, and never come back"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I was outside one night when I decided to match each star to a reason why I love you. I was doing so good when... I ran out of stars."

"You ran out of stars or you couldn't count any higher?"

"Well, both..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"You look like something from a dream."

"Then go back to sleep and never wake up."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"What would I have to give you for one little kiss?"

"Chloroform"

"What's that?"

"A kind of candy."

"COOL!"

"Idiot..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"How did you get to be so beautiful?"

"I must have been given your share of beauty."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Hey, wanna go to Hogsmeade this weekend?"

"Sorry, I'll be busy with my self-induced vomiting"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I'd be willing to bet your face turns quite a few heads."

"And I'm sure yours turns some stomachs"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I think I could make you really happy"

"Why, did you get expelled?"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Are your parents terrorists? Because you are the bomb."

"Then I'd get out of here if I were you, because I'm about to explode."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"God must have been in a good mood on the day we met."

"Yeah, but it sure put me in a bad one."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If I were Elvis would you go out with me?"

"Perhaps, but luckily for me you aren't."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Potter. James Potter."

"Lost. Get Lost"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Did it hurt?"

"What, when I fell from heaven?"

"Oh my God, you really did fall from heaven???"

"...You amaze me sometimes..."

"Is that a good thing?"

"I'll let you interpret that anyway you like."

"YES!! SHE SO LIKES ME!!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Hey Evans, wanna go to Hogsmeade with me sometime?"

"I haven't had any coffee yet, so I don't have enough energy to find a clever way to tell you that I would rather hit myself over the head with a large piece of wood than go out with you... acutally that wasn't bad..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Pinch me, you are so pretty I must be dreaming."

"Gladly"

"OW!! Jeez Evans, that hurt!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

And there you go! Review and tell me which ones you liked best!

And also I want to give a shout out to AWPBDumbledore, who is translating this into German, and to InkGothical, who is doing it in French and Italian. Ya Ya!! (Ya Ya Sisterhood of course!


	5. Numbers 81 to 101

**101 Pick up Lines**

**Numbers 81-101**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything, and international talk like a pirate day is a real holiday... September 13 if I'm not mistaken.

**A/N: **Here is the next chapter! I hope you like it! The first 5 pick up lines are by Sweet-Sunshyne, number 6 is by LolaCherryColaGirl, and number 7 is by nickyfox13. Thanks, you guys are great! Also, shout out to APWBDumbledore, and InkGothical, who are translating this story. Happy Holidays, and don't forget to review at the end!

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"You know you are in love when the hardest thing to say is goodbye"

"Goodbye. See now? That wasn't so hard!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Sometimes I wish I was you so I could be friends with me"

"Sometimes I wish I was you so I could see what the hell goes through your head before you say things like that."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"They say kissing is the language of love... what do you say we indulge in a little conversation?"

"Why don't you go have a conversation with your shoe instead"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Love me or leave me"

"Okay"

"Hey! Where are you going??"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I love rainbows, I love flowers, I love you and... um... shit I forget the rest... uh... you look hot?"

"How you manage you get a single grade above T I will never know."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If I were you, I would kiss me."

"If you were me, I would be ugly..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If you go out with me just once, I'll stop asking,"

"Tempting... very tempting..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I'm like Taco Bell... I'll spice up your night!"

"Yeah? Well then I'm like McDonald's. Come within a five foot radius of me and you'll die."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"If you were a pill I would overdose."

"If you were a pill you would be a big, smelly one that you choke on every time you take."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"You're body is a wonderland, and right now I want to be Alice"

"Somehow it doesn't surprise me that you want to be a little girl."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"You smell that? Smells like love."

"You smell that? Well, maybe you can't people usually can't smell their own stench."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Yesterday I tried to paint a picture of you, but I couldn't– the colors weren't pretty enough."

"I'm glad... I don't think I want to see your painting 'skills'.

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Baby, you are the honey on my bunches of oats!"

"...what??"

"I dunno..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I think I'm gay... want to try and convert me?"

"If you are gay then you certainly wasted a lot of time chasing after me because in case you haven't noticed, I'm a GIRL!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"My love for you is like diarrhea... it just never ends."

"Ew! That is definitely the grossest pick up line you've used on me yet!"

"Grosser than the one about incest?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that."

"And the one with the boogers?"

"Oh yeah...jeez, you really do have a sick mind!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Do you mind if I hang out here until it's safe to go back over there?"

"Why would you not be able to go back over there?"

"Well... I farted and Sirius won't let me back."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I have an O in divination, and I predict that in two minutes you are going to be snogging me."

"You aren't even in divination!"

"You say that like it matters."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"I'm here to arrest you."

"What for Potter?"

"For breaking and entering into my heart."

"Phew, for a second I thought you were talking about the... nevermind."

"The what? Lily! THE WHAT?!?!?!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"This could all be yours for one low low price!"

"No thanks, I don't get cheap things."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Arg. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon, lassie."

"Why are you talking like a pirate?"

"Well, it's international talk like a pirate day...arg..."

"Really?"

"Well, it was a few months ago, so I thought I would make up for it now."

"Uh huh..."

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

"Um...hey James?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, uh... You remind me of cheese, and um... I like cheese..."

_Chuckles _"What?"

"Uh, sorry, that came out wrong... what I mean is...uh..."

"Lily, are you trying ask me out?"

"NO! I was trying to pick you up then ask you out."

"Why?"

"Because I like you, you idiot! Now agree to go out with me or I'll kick your ass."

"I like them fiesty..."

"JAMES!!"

"Yes, yes, yes, of course I'll go out with you! But I just have one question..."

"Yes?"

"Where the hell did you get that pick up line?"

"Oh, shut up!"

XOxoXOxoXOxoXO

There ya go! Last chapter! I'm kind of sad because I loved writing this story so much. But alas, all good things come to an end eventually... So REVIEW! Tell me which one you liked best! Oh, and for those of you who couldn't figure it out, Lily asked James out on the last one. Merry Christmas eve! And review!


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